“Good evening, I’m Katie your favorite ‘Damsel in Distress’, welcome back to the latest installment of the web’s most infamous torture porn webcast, Vintage Lingerie Peril, the Swimsuit Edition. Tonight we journey back in time to Las Vegas in the early 50’s, a city of glittering casinos, Hollywood stars and ruthless organized crime lords. Tonight’s special, Swimsuit episode, is being broadcast from a secret location somewhere on the outskirts of Las Vegas where tonight I’m standing within this authentic 1950’s glass drowning tank, a diabolical deathtrap where it’s rumored more than a few gold-digging showgirls took their final breaths.”

“As you can see time is short as someone in my always helpful technical staff has already opened the water valve. Soon the water will completely fill the tank I’m standing in and I’ll drown, unless of course someone in my online audience manages to successfully unravel the clues that will shortly begin to appear at the bottom of your screen.”

“Thanks to our sponsors, and assuming that I survive, the first viewer to successfully unravel the mysterious clues will not only save me from a terrifying watery death but will also accompany me on an all-inclusive 7 night stay at the Resort, the tropical paradise where nightmares do come true.”

“And please hurry, because no one on my always thoughtful technical staff bothered to mention just how cold this water really, really is.”