“Good evening, I’m Katie your favorite ‘Damsel in Distress’, welcome back to the latest installment of the web’s most infamous torture porn
webcast, Vintage Lingerie Peril. Tonight’s show harkens back to the darkest blood soaked depths of the medieval dungeon and one of the most
gruesome forms of torturous death ever created, the diabolical Iron Maiden.
“As you can see, I’m standing securely restrained within this iron maiden, and while inspired by those ancient medieval instruments of death it resembles, this iron maiden was created for the soul purpose of subjecting me to the slowest, most agonizing death imaginable.”
“In a few moments these heavy spike covered doors will slowly begin to close. Over the next 58 minutes, as the iron maiden’s rows of razor sharp inch toward my body, a series of clues will appear at the bottom of your screen. The first viewer to successfully unravel the mystery will not only save me from a slow and exceedingly agonizing death but will also accompany me on an all-inclusive 7 night stay at the Resort, the tropical paradise where nightmares do come true.”
“Of course, if no one successfully solves the mystery by the final moments of tonight’s show these deadly spike lined doors will finish closing and an extended segment of this show will begin. This special extended segment should last at least 2 full days, the shows technical advisers assured me I’d take at least that long to die...”